Star Wars Spam

I’ve been getting a lot of spam emails recently. We switched networks around to a newer, more efficient anti-spam solution, and, as expected, we’ve been getting even more spam than before. Sometimes I wonder if we can’t just program the anti-spam heuristics to look for names out of a hard-boiled detective novel. We’ve got Panagiota Quan, Viola Prince, Hanna Crump, Paul Gomex, Gonzalo Shapiro, Perpetua Cullinan, Dewayne Posey, Claudius Epperly, Damien Haskins, and the Terminus Atlas.
Sure we get emails from Home Loan Central, and Penis Enlargement, but we know right away what these guys are about. What bothers me is that we’re starting to get names that sound like George Lucas wrote them into a Star Wars prequel:
Polycrypt, Cod Mesaywee, Chi Mimms, Ben Ramage, picat1138, Boba Bibi, Avenged B. Phonier, Anaxagoras G. Successor and Aurelia Quinones
Yes, Cod Mesaywee, the fearsome intergalactic bounty hunter is hunting down the princess Aurelia Quinones, and her quirky sidekick and comedy relief, Chi Mimms, and their droid, picat1138. The fearsome Avenged B. Phonier, and his dark lord Anaxagoras G. Successor are behind the plot, which involves some kind of galactic banking, and a plot twist a child would find obvious. Luckily the heroes are befriended by Ben Ramage and his alien space-dog Polycrypt. No one knows where Boba Bibi’s loyalties lie.
Some of the spams are even reading like a Star Wars prequel:
“Aint there any way you can think of, Dano, dont think the sin is long enough to dislike the twins the way she will when she knows themshe believed that she had other means of teaching the sailor twins the better, and theres no mosquitoes, and she hasnt been left to stay what he was saying — which in boil level effect this lightly down to meet us. His position above me colour pear gave him was mall that he had found and captured …”