The Trunk Monkey

Got a problem? Get a Trunk monkey.

Grover’s Troubled Life

But what many of us didn't see behind that brave exterior was a monster cowering in the face of his own insecurities, a monster so unsure of himself he wouldn't even watch his own performances, and a monster who ultimately allowed his own weaknesses to overcome him and nearly ruin his career. A genius, a tyrant, a womanizer or just a washed-up drunk? It's time to expose Grover -- the monster behind the myth.

Welcome to the Internet Helpdesk

This is essentially what I do all day.

MS Linux: Shipping in November 2003

Microsoft Linux provides all the power of the Linux Operating System with the ease of use you've come to expect from Microsoft Products.
Microsoft Linux brings a new level of productivity to Linux, without sacrificing flexibility, performance, and control. In addition to features like My Home Directory and My Configuration, Microsoft Linux contains greatly improved support for Web and Enterprise development.
With Microsoft Linux Enterprise Edition, you can create scalable multi-tier applications using our new Graphical User Interface command-Line Technology (GUILT)?. Extend your productivity with optimized support for Internet Active-XWindows? Technology and built-in Internet Xplorer web browser.

Rejected Transformers

Rejected Transformers was the theme for the second round of our intersite Battle Royale Tournament, and now it's open to everyone.
Everyone remembers Transformers, right? Transformers were cool vehicles that unfolded and then reassembled into even cooler robots. Both the toys and the cartoons should be pretty familiar to anyone who was a kid in the eighties. Transformers were the coolest. But how did they keep all the Transformers so cool? By scrapping the really lame ones that no kid wanted to play with, of course!

Captain Kirk vs. Han Solo

Kirk's tale is interrupted by derisive laughter from a nearby table. "A likely story," says the man lounging there, his boots resting on the tabletop, a sneer on his lips. "That kind of big talk may impress people where you come from, pal, but it wouldn't last ten seconds in Mos Eisley. And it's not doing so good here, either."

Happy No Pants Day

No Pants Day is a day where everyone, be they students, respectable businessmen, or cherished community leaders, leave their pants behind. Usually this means wearing thick, appropriately modest boxer shorts, but bloomers, slips, briefs, and boxer-briefs all work as well.
Yeah, that's it. But from the core idea comes so much more. When large groups of people parade around in public without their pants, amazing things are bound to happen. At the very least, you'll take your drab, wretched life a little less seriously, at least for one day.
No Pants Day is always on the first Friday of May, which is May the 2nd in 2003.

Mr. Cranky Rates Iraq War Coverage

Since this is what most people are watching these days anyway, let's catch up on how the television news networks are faring in week one of Gulf War II.

Zucker-Activist

A friend emailed, and said there was this image on the Onion that looked just like me:

Hardly. I don't even own a red T-shirt. Oh, wait ... I have one. But there's no peace logo on it. No wait ... yes there is.

the gulf war two drinking game

drink when:

• Bush is called a crusader (x2 if its by Saddam)
• Saddam is called evil (x2 if its by Bush)
• Iraq troops surrender to the media (x2 if to a unmanned vehicle or inanimate object)
• Iraq uses weapons it claims not to have
• the United States uses weapons it won't allow iraq to have ...